Stuart Wellington
Stuart L. Wellington is somewhat of an original party animal...it's his cross to bear. Once went on a trip to Yosemite so amazing they should have made a movie about it. It is his dream to one day kill a bear with a flamethrower. Stuart is currently employed as a Scorpion Wrangler on The Daily Show. An accredited member of the press, per NYCC (aka Flopcon). They gave him a badge and everything. Stuart can't help that texting and browsing the Internet is often more interesting than the movies. Have you SEEN some of those movies? A Sexual Dynamo - no matter when you're reading this, he's still consumating his marriage. They'll talk about that on a future episode of the podcast. Stuart also perfected the "Fake male orgasm" which involves blindfolding a woman and spitting in her face. In Episode 69, Stuart disclosed his ethnicity as a Juggalo. In the "Conan the Barbarian" episode, he revealed his worship of Crom - perhaps making him a Crommalo? Complicating matters, in Episode Fifty: Delgo (@4:45) he commented: "I like Dagon. I'd worship him." Elsewhere, he has been described as an acolyte of the Old Ones. Factoids * Infrequently plays the role of peacemaker, and is ordinarily the freshmaker. * During a period of unrest between the floppers, Stuart suggested some retooling of the Flophouse format. To wit: fewer bad movies, more pornographic movies, and instead of talking about the movie, to just masturbate as a group. Ultimately this was rejected since they had already tried that once, with at best mixed results. (Episode Sixty-Eight: Teen Witch) * As of Episode 102, is badder than ever. Has yet to go black, so he keeps coming back. * In The Flop House production of Snow White, he would be "Cool Dwarf". * Has a secret wish to be a half-Duck/half-ninja turtle that lives in Duckburg, does not crave pizza, and has gadgets made by his buddy Gyro Gearloose. * Has a buddy named Alexander Delicious. (Episode Thirty: Bangkok Dangerous @47:10) * Considers himself a major "Phan" of the Phantasm franchise. * Is not quite certain about what Netflix is, or how it works. Personal Tastes * "Horrifying" porn, which he watches compulsively. (Episode Twenty-Five: The Happening @50:55) * "I watch a lot of movies and listen to a lot of music for pleasure that's designed mainly to make you uncomfortable." (Episode One Hundred and Thirty-Eight - Foodfight! @27:40) * If you had to pin him down on what he wants in a movie, it needs a couple of basic components: boobs + vengeful dead old people. (But not Titanic.) * Fantasy literature based in the grimdark universe of Warhammer 40,000. * 1970s science fiction novels Highly-Recommended Films ''Castle Freak * Episode Fifty-Three: Hannah Montana: The Movie @54:00 * Episode Eighty-Two: Drive Angry @50:45 * Episode One Hundred and Eight - Passion Play Head of the Family * Episode Thirty-Nine: Bride Wars @40:50 * Episode Seventy: Jonah Hex * Episode Eighty-Nine: Season of the Witch The Invisible Maniac * Episode Forty-Six: Obsessed @38:20 * Episode Sixty-Eight: Teen Witch * Episode Eighty-Seven: My Soul to Take * Episode One Hundred and Seventeen: Seeking Justice @59:05 Look-Alikes/Sound-Alikes * Josh Brolin * Henchman 24 * '''Thurston Howell, III' * Seth Rogen * 'Jason Segel ' Alter Egos * Dr. Inferno Fireburns (Episode Twenty-Four: Prom Night @36:40) * Striker Steelwar (ibid. @36:40) Catchphrases *Hhheeeyyy... dduuddeess! *Wait... what? ** Episode Forty-Seven: The Unborn @4:20 ** Episode Ninety-Four: Conan the Barbarian @23:35 *Is this... is this a bit? ** Episode Eighty-Two: Drive Angry @12:55 *I'll allow it. ** Episode One Hundred and Twenty-Four: Stolen @00:45 ** Episode One Hundred and Twenty-Nine: A Good Day to Die Hard @43:40 ** Episode One Hundred and Thirty - The Scarlet Letter @30:10 ** Episode One Hundred and Thirty-Three: Bullet to the Head @48:35 ** Episode One Hundred and Forty-Two: Getaway @27:00 ** Episode One Hundred and Forty-Five: R.I.P.D. @11:05 (spoken by Dan) ** Episode One Hundred and Forty-Six: B*A*P*S @40:15 *Do what your body wants. ** Episode Fifty-Three: Hannah Montana: The Movie @46:30 ** Episode One Hundred and Thirty - The Scarlet Letter @22:05 ** Episode One Hundred and Thirty-Five: Olympus Has Fallen @45:15 ** Episode One Hundred and Forty-Four - Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor @24:30 (spoken by Dan) *Mash-em-up (or, occasionally "Mix-em-up") *10 wormy boners! *Spoookily good-bad! *Rufio! Rufio! Rufio! ** Episode One Hundred and Fourteen - Abduction @27:10 *Are there a lot of (thing that is obviously in the movie, or obviously not in the movie) in this movie? Stuart's Favourite Jokes As mentioned in ''Episode Fifty-Five: The Ugly Truth.'' # Kicking someone in the crotch # Ding-Dong sound effects # Boobs popping out of a chick's shirt # Foul-mouthed and/or rapping grannies * Farts (honorable mention) Lexicon Neologisms, obscure slang, and any terms that Stuart deems necessary to explain. ; bi-optional : A person at liberty of becoming bisexual. (Which includes pretty much everybody ever born.) ; chest butt : cleavage / décolletage ; Coney Island whitefish : A used and discarded condom. : Episode One Hundred and Thirty-Four: Upside Down @37:00 ; cum gutters : sculpted abs / six pack / hypertrophy of the Rectus abdominis ; death by monster : A method of execution effected by means of confinement with a savage creature. ; Italian t-shirt : An especially hairy chest. : Episode Fifty-One: X-Men Origins: Wolverine @38:00 ; lucky pierre : The guy in the middle of a gay threesome. : Episode Ninety-Six: Dream House @25:15 ; sammich : sandwich : Episode Sixty-One: Surrogates @30:15 ; seneschal : The highest-ranking servant in a medieval great house. : Episode Sixty-Nine: Big Money Rustlas @4:50 ; shit sandwich : criticism technique where one negative item comes between two positives ; turd cutter : ass Category:Hosts Category:Regular Hosts